The last season is coming, God is good.

So winter is coming, though it feels like it's already here. I can't believe how the time is going by, the days are long, but the weeks are fast. Darryl left in the summer, and would be coming back 2 seasons later in the winter, and now we are almost there. It seems weird that I took the boys to the beach, the zoo and Aldergrove Lake and Darryl was gone already way back then, it does seem like ages ago I did all those things already. But the time went really fast for the first 2 months. Things went along quite nicely and easily and it wasn't too much of a struggle. Then after he visited in October and left, it was getting a little tougher, maybe because we had seen him, or maybe because there wasn't as much to do in the evenings. (Well there was, I just wasn't doing it and was to tired to tackle my to do list by the time 8:30 came around....you know what I mean). But god showed his grace to me because as it got a little tougher the blessings just got richer, and he walked with me. Then last week I visited Darryl, (which was amazing and a HUGE blessing)and this past week after my return was a tough week. It felt long, and it is started to feel like time has stopped, and it was  moving slowly. I think it is partly because October dragged on for 5 long weeks, and I also think once December hits, the rest of it will fly by. I am also waiting to for the big news, where we will be living and many things in our life are 'hanging' in the balance of the 'what if'. We would like to move either way, but if we get to stay here, we would likely move next summer. I felt hopeless for a few days, like I got that annoyed "I don't care what happens" attitude..and I didn't like it, and I didn't like that I couldn't just turn it off. I started thinking about all the 'what if's" and I got down about the whole thing. I am not keen on trying to sell my house alone over Christmas, if we have to move far away,  especially since there is some work to be done before it gets listed. I have no control over what happens, and it was making me nervous and unexpectantly anxious. Last week, I felt done with the whole thing,especially after finding out the realities of what being a RCMP wife all entails. But we signed up for this together and agreed on it together, and I said...in riches or poverty right? Well, I am not poverse, but the pressure to work more to make ends meet is going to be more apparent..and that's okay, I am not scared of work, I like it. I am scared of the unknown, and it is hard to give all that control we all love so much to have over to God, even though it is way more freeing. And even though I thought I'd be excited for the adventure, I dunno. After over 2 years of waiting, our life is all coming down to the next three weeks...what pressure! So, one bad week out of 15, is something I am chalking up to all the stress mounting and the what if's. Humbled, I spent a lot of Sunday evening in prayer, and I awoke this morning with a new sense of gratitude and relief. It was a joy to not have those anxious feelings, but it gave me a lot of empathy for those who have an ongoing struggle with it...which is a good thing, I am not the most merciful person at the best of times and so I am once again humbled by this lesson.It unfortunately came out in a very unexpected setting, but I had some very supportive of people in my life to talk to and give me some good listening ears and advice, which I desperately needed. It is hard not being able to bounce everything off of your hubby, especially the big things. And if I have tried to relay some stress over the crackly cell phone, I can tell it isn't the first thing he is worrying about as he has much more to worry about right now, like getting to grad. He asked me a couple of weeks ago if I still had my wedding dress and if I still fit into it (funny I had recently tried it on and it was too small in some areas and way to big in other areas, goes to show you how a womens body changes after having kids), and I was like "yes, but you didn't ever really like it anyways. "Oh yeah" he says to me..."Why" i ask him. Well then he asks me if I wanted to renew my vows with the Saturday before grad in Regina. I guess more people who are already married have done this, because they are apart for 6 months, (and we have been married for 10 years this past year) and it is nice in a way to get a picture of us dressed up.(they have a minister at chapel there anyways on the Saturday) I kind of reacted badly when he asked me, I think I said something like "Okay, what for?"... I didn't get it. But I could tell his feelings were a bit hurt when he explained it all to me and then said"Oh forget it, we don't have to do it...I just thought it would be special". So I was like "Okay well do you think people would want to come to this..and what will your parents think?" Anyways, the conversation went on like that, and so I am thinking of doing it...no white gown please. I was planning on buying him some sort of decent ring for grad since the one we got was 75 bucks from Wal-mart and he still is wearing this hunk of junk now. So we will see, I am not really the dress wearing princess type, but I know he likes that, so I am going to try...I went to my Mom's place last week and tried on  bunch of my sisters old dresses and I could probably make something work...and it is sweet that he thought of this all on his own.
So on we trudge, getting through these next 5 weeks will be the toughest I think, and then after that...it will pretty much be over, so I am looking forward to that. He is doing very well, and excelling at my different activities and even though he talks about "hopefully making it to grad"..I am confident he will. He says he can feel all the prayers, because he doesn't think he would be doing nearly as well otherwise...so another wonderful way of God showing us his grace through others. I leave todays post with this awesome devotion I got in my email this morning which seemed perfectly written just for me, to count my blessings and realize how  much I have to be thankful for..
http://www.harvest.org/devotional/daily-devotions/home.html