The last season is coming, God is good.

So winter is coming, though it feels like it's already here. I can't believe how the time is going by, the days are long, but the weeks are fast. Darryl left in the summer, and would be coming back 2 seasons later in the winter, and now we are almost there. It seems weird that I took the boys to the beach, the zoo and Aldergrove Lake and Darryl was gone already way back then, it does seem like ages ago I did all those things already. But the time went really fast for the first 2 months. Things went along quite nicely and easily and it wasn't too much of a struggle. Then after he visited in October and left, it was getting a little tougher, maybe because we had seen him, or maybe because there wasn't as much to do in the evenings. (Well there was, I just wasn't doing it and was to tired to tackle my to do list by the time 8:30 came around....you know what I mean). But god showed his grace to me because as it got a little tougher the blessings just got richer, and he walked with me. Then last week I visited Darryl, (which was amazing and a HUGE blessing)and this past week after my return was a tough week. It felt long, and it is started to feel like time has stopped, and it was  moving slowly. I think it is partly because October dragged on for 5 long weeks, and I also think once December hits, the rest of it will fly by. I am also waiting to for the big news, where we will be living and many things in our life are 'hanging' in the balance of the 'what if'. We would like to move either way, but if we get to stay here, we would likely move next summer. I felt hopeless for a few days, like I got that annoyed "I don't care what happens" attitude..and I didn't like it, and I didn't like that I couldn't just turn it off. I started thinking about all the 'what if's" and I got down about the whole thing. I am not keen on trying to sell my house alone over Christmas, if we have to move far away,  especially since there is some work to be done before it gets listed. I have no control over what happens, and it was making me nervous and unexpectantly anxious. Last week, I felt done with the whole thing,especially after finding out the realities of what being a RCMP wife all entails. But we signed up for this together and agreed on it together, and I said...in riches or poverty right? Well, I am not poverse, but the pressure to work more to make ends meet is going to be more apparent..and that's okay, I am not scared of work, I like it. I am scared of the unknown, and it is hard to give all that control we all love so much to have over to God, even though it is way more freeing. And even though I thought I'd be excited for the adventure, I dunno. After over 2 years of waiting, our life is all coming down to the next three weeks...what pressure! So, one bad week out of 15, is something I am chalking up to all the stress mounting and the what if's. Humbled, I spent a lot of Sunday evening in prayer, and I awoke this morning with a new sense of gratitude and relief. It was a joy to not have those anxious feelings, but it gave me a lot of empathy for those who have an ongoing struggle with it...which is a good thing, I am not the most merciful person at the best of times and so I am once again humbled by this lesson.It unfortunately came out in a very unexpected setting, but I had some very supportive of people in my life to talk to and give me some good listening ears and advice, which I desperately needed. It is hard not being able to bounce everything off of your hubby, especially the big things. And if I have tried to relay some stress over the crackly cell phone, I can tell it isn't the first thing he is worrying about as he has much more to worry about right now, like getting to grad. He asked me a couple of weeks ago if I still had my wedding dress and if I still fit into it (funny I had recently tried it on and it was too small in some areas and way to big in other areas, goes to show you how a womens body changes after having kids), and I was like "yes, but you didn't ever really like it anyways. "Oh yeah" he says to me..."Why" i ask him. Well then he asks me if I wanted to renew my vows with the Saturday before grad in Regina. I guess more people who are already married have done this, because they are apart for 6 months, (and we have been married for 10 years this past year) and it is nice in a way to get a picture of us dressed up.(they have a minister at chapel there anyways on the Saturday) I kind of reacted badly when he asked me, I think I said something like "Okay, what for?"... I didn't get it. But I could tell his feelings were a bit hurt when he explained it all to me and then said"Oh forget it, we don't have to do it...I just thought it would be special". So I was like "Okay well do you think people would want to come to this..and what will your parents think?" Anyways, the conversation went on like that, and so I am thinking of doing it...no white gown please. I was planning on buying him some sort of decent ring for grad since the one we got was 75 bucks from Wal-mart and he still is wearing this hunk of junk now. So we will see, I am not really the dress wearing princess type, but I know he likes that, so I am going to try...I went to my Mom's place last week and tried on  bunch of my sisters old dresses and I could probably make something work...and it is sweet that he thought of this all on his own.
So on we trudge, getting through these next 5 weeks will be the toughest I think, and then after that...it will pretty much be over, so I am looking forward to that. He is doing very well, and excelling at my different activities and even though he talks about "hopefully making it to grad"..I am confident he will. He says he can feel all the prayers, because he doesn't think he would be doing nearly as well otherwise...so another wonderful way of God showing us his grace through others. I leave todays post with this awesome devotion I got in my email this morning which seemed perfectly written just for me, to count my blessings and realize how  much I have to be thankful for..
http://www.harvest.org/devotional/daily-devotions/home.html

AMAZING!

Publish Post

Oh, give thanks to the LORD! Call upon His name; Make known His deeds among the peoples! ... 1 Chron 16:8.
So....even though I have told the story fifty times today, the house is quiet and it seems is the only time I am able to blog without having an interruption every 5 seconds; plus after 8 pm I go nuts on cleaning, working out, and spending as much time wake and alone as I can because the noise begins again early in the a.m.. (as I am sure all you Moms know about)
So I have been nothing but blessed since D left, and had nothing but love from our gracious God and from others, but the unsurmountable grace and blessings that I have continued to receive over the last weeks has made me stand in awe of our HIM even more. I don't think I have ever experienced such love from my communion of saints, family friends and such mercy and such compassion from God and others as I have in the last while. Who knew Darryl going away would bring on such thanksgiving and such richness to our lives.
So, last Tuesday I was driving home around 7 p.m from my sisters after work, a per usual and was deep thinking. (This is why I get pulled over and made to take breathalyser tests and cops thinking I am a mental case.) Anyways, I was really missing Darryl and thinking I had done 5 weeks since thanksgiving but  6.5 weeks yet was going to be longer than I had imagined it to be. Suddenly it popped into my head that maybe I should just go see Darryl on Thursday and stay till Sunday. I know my sister or my mom or my friends would help with taking the boys, and I could take Jude because he is still free, and Darryl would just love to see him. Earlier, about a month ago,I had asked Darryl about maybe possibly coming for this time and he had said no way as this was supposed to be hell week and there wouldn't be much of a point since he wouldn't be able to see me.
But I had talked to him already that night, and he had told me his mid-term was the next day (Wednesday) and he had some files to work on the next day. So I went home and checked out prices and was surprised to see that it was only 129 to leave on Thursday morning and 129 to come back on Sunday. But I hadn't actually talked to anyone about taking my kids, and I really wanted to phone Avion in the morning to find out if my points would cover it. I almost did the impulse thing at 11 at night and booked it, but I had decided to pray about it and see if I had some clarity about what I should do in the morning. Well sure enough the next morning prices almost doubled to 309 for Thursday and 209 for Sunday. It was crazy, so I thought no way and was moaning in regret that I hadn't just booked it the night before. Then I went to coffee break Bible study hemming and hawing about it, and our little group of ladies prayed for me to make the right decision. (which after prayer, they all told me I was to go regardless...aww)
After Coffee Break I went to my sisters while a friend took Jesse for lunch, so I could think about what to do and decide. I checked prices again, hoping they'd be down and they were higher at 309 each way. Well there was no way I could pay that, or even justify to pay that...even though in the back of my head a little birdie was saying "Who cares, you will have the memory forever and never regret it." So I phoned West Jet to try and beg them to give me a deal since I was a cadet wife (some places give discounts), but that was a total no go. Then in a last ditch effort I thought about possibly leaving Friday instead and that would save me the cost of the hotel room for a night. So I phoned avion and was surprised to find out I had 55000 points which equals 540 dollars and they had a flight leaving Friday coming back Sunday that totaled 590 dollars..so I would only have to pay 40 dollars. So I booked it, found a hotel, talked them down in price, booked a car rental and felt giddy as ever.
That evening I found out from my 'depot dolls' (wife of men at depot) FB site that troop 6 (Darryl's) was having a halfway party that Friday evening on base in the stand easy lounge, and wives were invited. Darryl never told me because he knew I couldn't come, and so I knew this would be a great weekend to go.  After talking with Darryl (I did not tell him anything) I also found out he had volunteered to play the bass drum with some other RCMP and peacekeeping officers that Sunday morning in a remembrance day ceremony that honored one of the congregations WW2 veteran. I also found out that he had 2 files to finish on Thursday that took him till 1 a.m. to finish and so was pretty much homework free for the weekend other than the 1 workout and band practice. So even if I would have gone Thursday I wouldn't have even seen him at all anyways. i could not believe all the coincidences, well I wouldn't call them that. God had totally planned it all, and I had no intention of even going at all. I was astounded at his grace.
Then I thought, I need something to wear...and a coat, so my Mom offered to watch the boys Thursday afternoon and for the first time since D left, I got to do some blissful shopping on my own. I had a 2 gift certificates for winners, one from my dear SIL and one from the school board at Christmas last year that I never spent. I also had one for Reimtans again from my SIL, and so I managed to buy a new coat from winners, top and some accessories (scarf and hat) from, Reitmans. I felt like an undeserved queen, and I was almost as giddy as the night before my wedding. I was stunned at God's grace again, and the many blessings.
I had contacted Darryl's troop-mate that he has become close with as his wife had given me his cell number. So he was going to set something up to make the surprise meeting and his whole troop got involved.
They talked to D's facilitator who said it would be easiest if I met Darryl at the RCMP heritage Center because I would not have to go through security and all that until later. Then he (the facilitator)decided to go around and asked for volunteers to sign up to move some stuff at the heritage center at 5:30 pm...knowing Darryl would sign up since he apparently has volunteered every time they have asked for other things. So here I am after a delayed plane, couldn't find the hotel thanks to my useless GPS, finally showered and ready to leave the hotel to go there. Then my phone rings and it D bemoaning the fact he didn't feel like going to this party, saying he missed Jude (me rubbing it in of course, knowing I am going to see him in 5 minutes) and trying to  text his troop mate about my possible ETA. Then D says he has to go because he is going to the Heritage Center to move some boxes and finishes by asking what is that weird noise in the background (the gps) and me having to make white lie once again. After getting a little lost, again thanks to my GPS, I pull into the driveway and there are about 8 people all in their blues (uniform, they told him they all were supposed to wear it) standing there looking at me pulling up. (It was dark so he couldn't see it was me). They of course, were Darryl's close friends in his troops that he had made, and were all in on it and wanting to see this go down.
So I pull up, jump out of the car, and I would pay money to see again the absolute shock on his face..he was stunned, had no idea. He acted confused after giving me a hug, and told me later he was thinking "oh great Leanne finds me all the way out here and now I committed to helping move this stuff". Then yes, turns around to his troop mates and realizes they were all in on it...then saw Jude in the back seat and that was it...and yes...cried.

Needless to say, the weekend went fabo. I got a tour of depot, followed by a halfway party where I got to meet all his troop mates, facilitators and more cadets. Spent most of Saturday together (and yes he is allowed off base on weekends so was able to spend 2 nighs at the hotel). He found out Saturday that the Sergeant wanted everyone dressed in reds, so got to break the rules and wear the whole get up, serge and all, (you have to earn it and can only wear it after week 23) and I think it was my proudest moment seeing him coming down the isle (Jude pointing) in church playing the huge drum strapped to him while marching in his uniform. Who could have known that this was how my weekend played out...that he wouldn't have home work, passed his mid-term with flying colors, had this party,and was involved in this ceremony.  When I returned home, the blessings had doubled from other family and I felt so undeserving of this whole weekend, my whole life really,  and I know it is pure grace alone. As of now, I feel so absolutely cloaked in rich blessings and I cannot believe how God worked everything out. It just proves he cares about even the smallest details of our lives and the only thing I can say is that I am speechless and humbled by his grace and love. To God be the glory!

10 things I learned on my trip to Regina

1. It is cold 

2. When the car rental company says 23 dollars a day, they really mean 75 with hidden fees.

3. Westjet is very accommodating to people travelling with kids

4. Don't ever trust a GPS over instinct

5. "Château" just sounds nice.

6. It is flat

7. Saskatchewan has more passion and paraphernalia for a football team than I have ever seen anyone have for any team, period.

8. They are bored

9. Don't ever order a breakfast wrap from Tim Hortons. 

10. Movember means men grow yucky mustaches, but I still love my man more than ever (even with a mustache)

Can't sleep, can't sleep

OOOHHH....can't sleep!!!!!!!!! Darryl has his midterm tomorrow and this is huge for him....I want to go see my hubby so bad...why didn't I think about this earlier....it would be the perfect weekend and I would love to surprise him.I totally cannot afford it, but I want to afford it when I think about his reaction and Jude's reaction...and 10 years from now when we look back...and smile about it with no regrets.....and I wish I wasn't so indecisive.....I must pray for answer.

Losing my marbles??

ARGGHH! I am losing it, I swear. With all of the things I have been forgetting in the last 2 weeks (kids, appointments, library books, wallet, dead battery, meals from people, birthdays, lost my keys) I am surprised the house hasn't burnt down. (knock on wood). What is wrong with me? I am supposed to be a responsible grown up adult, I mean, I am known to be forgetful, clumsy and indecisive, but this, this is new.  So if you are reading this and you have fallen prey to one of my antics in the last while, I am sorry! And no, I am not pregnant!
And lately, there have been more little 'problems' at depot with people quitting, getting told to go home, and it's making me nervous. Time to chillout I guess. Suddenly, I am remembering the bottle of wine my beautiful sister-in-law gave me last weekend...and it IS Friday night....bath is calling...yep okay. End of post!

HALF WAY!

Yipee...we are officially at the half way mark...and things are looking up. They say the second half goes faster than the first, but considering it is supposed to be a cold winter, who knows. I had my first sort of difficult week last week, nothing really specific, just felt annoyed, tired, a little anxious and down. On Tuesday I had come hoe from work and being at my sister around 7 and noticed the front window was all foggy and had condensation. Then as I came into the house I smelt like a burning motor smell and the dishwasher was still running from the morning, and making some terrible noise. I opened it and all the dishes had some film, so I took them out and began washing them. As I was washing, Jesse came around the corner and wiped out on all the water on the floor from the leaking freezer.....and then wouldn't stop crying, which made Jude start into this major fit. And that was about the height of frustration...kids didn't get down till 8:15 which waaaay to late for them especially the older 2. Then followed the dryer malfunctioning..which is now fixed. By the time Sunday evening came, God had turned my week around and sent all kinds of loved ones my way to bless me. It wasn't  nice feeling a little out of control of my feelings, but it is great to see how God shows me that he is always in control, even when I think I am, and it made me realize how much I need him, depend on him, for my every breathe. I still get that uncomfortable twinge of guilt when people show up with a dinner, gift card, or offer for help. I like to do things all myself and I hate asking for help or being vulnerable. But God doesn't create us to be comfortable, he creates us to worship him, love him, serve him, and serve others.  This is a learning process, an education of sorts, for Darryl and I....I just hope that I take what I have learned it and apply to it in my life, for the rest of my life. It doesn't always work that way thought does it? Every time I think I have mastered a weakness and work on another, it creeps back up and disappoints me. Sometimes I feel like the Israelites walking 40 years through the desert and God saying "really, we are still here?".  Thank God for grace...or I'd convert to the Catholic faith I think, and try work my guilt away. What an awesome God we have.
Yes, i am happy to call myself blessed, by God, by others, I am inspired now to get my hands to work to do more for others. To encourage more, love more, help more and complain less, and I like it.
Darryl is still keeping his head above water for now. Last week 2 cadets in his troop 'quit', they don't really know or say why, but this is when the tough gets going. I asked Darryl if he had thought of quitting ever ad he said "no...you can't think like that, you have to take it one day at a time'. I asked him if he thinks about camping net summer or having time to lay on a beach with nothing to do, and he said no. He said he only thinks about Christmas and getting to that point because that is a realistic goal....true.  He has a great troop and all the men get along well, though they are frustrated with 1 or 2 of the women (surprise surprise).  If one fails a question at 'drill', they all suffer...so you can imagine  how that goes. He has been moved from being in a room with all 30 in his troop, to individual rooms, and at first he didn't like it, but now he does. It's only 5 or 6 weeks till we know where we will be living for the next 3-5 years. Exciting!

The boys got spoiled rotten this weekend, (as did I!)with Harvest Night, then at my brothers place they got all kinds of goodies, watched How to train a dragon and hung out with cousins, then went trick or treating. They were acting pretty spoiled today too, and maybe a little overtired from going here there and everywhere. Cody came home today from school and when he came into the kitchen says.."Mom, when I get off the bus tomorrow after school and come home, I think you should have this mess cleaned up." So I said, I thought it was pretty clean? "No, here look at the pieces of rice on the stove, and the pumpkin on the counter, that needs to be cleaned up better". Starting to sound like his father now, but it gave me a good laugh. Then we went to Otter Coop tonight to get some much needed groceries and he is giving me some attitude so I say "Cody, you wouldn't talk to your teacher like that would you?" "No Mom, she is more umm...serious than you" What do you mean Cody? " Like she gives time out for the tinyist thing I do wrong, but you only give them when I do way badder things, she's more responsible." Oh..okay...note to self....time to get this ship in top shape before the hubby comes home and thinks all you know what has broken loose. From the mouths of babes! Ahh my children, they keep me humble for sure.