Yes till I fly into Regina with the boys and get to hopefully proudly watch D graduate. The boys are more excited about the TV's on the airplane and the waterslide at the hotel than the grad. Can you blame them? Sitting here with a glass of red, from a dear friend who brought a gift basket full of yummy treats, basking in the last leg of the journey. I have never had a year with so many question marks, and so much emotions, I feel like the calm is coming....well, at least for a little while. I know there will always be a new storm around the corner, but God is the same yesterday today and tomorrow and will be there always, so wonderful to know. I had a wonderful 5 days enjoying every moment that I could with d and the kids, and what a wonderful time for him to be here to celebrate the birth of Jesus. This time with him was special, and I have never learned so much about our relationship as I have over these last months, and it has been a really good time of reflection for me. I would like to share all those little moments we had together, watching the boys, or seeing certain reactions of others, but I am going o keep these 5 days to myself and treasure it. God is good, more than good, HE is Awesome, and we both really feel cloaked in Blessings by his hand. So, cheers to the next 4 weeks....this is what I learned in 2010, how about you!
*It's not always good to be so 'open' about your feelings, most people really don't want to know, unless it's going well
*In tough times, you find out who your friends really are
*All the crap on earth that we call 'stuff' isn't really ours at all
*God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and thank goodness for that
*God is teaching me a lot about what kind of wife and other I am, and what kind I want to be.
*Trust Trust Trust Trust Trust....need I say more
*It's only to your own detriment to judge others and not show LOVE ALL the time.
*If in doubt, show love
*Murrayville really is the promised land....kidding!
*We really don't have ANY control of anything
*The power of prayer is bigger than anything we know
*Beth Moore bible studies are amazing..the Bible even more so.
*32 is the age that D-day comes for previous absence of sunscreen before the age of 20.
*Being positive in Darryl's anti depressant.
*Deal with it NOW, or it will keep coming back to haunt you!
*If you try to do things on your own, God will hand you the remote.
*If you give away your paint, make you sure you keep some for touch ups.
*Just because it is expensive, doesn't mean it is good quality.
*Your parents will always love you, even when you feel like no one does
*What doesn't kill you...well you know!
*God really does send emails...through scripture.
*Ok, I'd like to have one of those devotion rooms, like Julie.
*The more you judge others, the more you feel judged.
* Jumping a vehicle is a lot easier than it looks
*Rev. Visshcer was right, the amount of grace we recieve everyday could never be measured.
*Just because I'm over 30, doesn't mean I can't dance everyday
*If someone is in your front yard at 3 in the morning, don't open the window and yell at them...especially when you live across from subsidized housing, and your husband isn't home
*God only want to know your motives
*Their is no ultimate happiness in this life, except in serving and loving God and others.THE END!
For 2011:
Judge less, love more, serve more, spend less, eat less, exercise more, talk less and pray more.
!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
So it's Surrey then.
"Behold I have plans for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" - Jeremiah 29-11
God is great. We found out on Monday that D was posted to Surrey, number 2 on our list, but number 1 on God's list. I wasn't in total shock I must say, as it was 'sounding' like it was a good possibility he was going to be in the Lower Mainland, but I never counted on it. I am happy, Darryl is happy, and my family is happy. I did not expect him to know already, but Monday I had called him around 4:30 and his phone rang but he did not answer. then he phoned me about 1 hour later and I let Jude answer and blab on speaker phone for a while. Then I was telling Jude to show Dad all the new words he knew, like Cheese...and I was saying "Jude say cheese". This went on for a while, until D pipes up, Jude can you say this? Then I knew what he was going to tell me the answer right there. He says "Jude, can you say Surrey?". Well I grabbed the phone so fast, Jude barely knew what happened. Anyways, it couldn't really have been better news, I wasn't really looking to quit my job, uproot my family, and sell my house in a matter of weeks, right after Christmas. I knew that either way, moving or not, God would be with us, and His plan was best, this outcome was just a lot easier to accept. We are hopefully planning on moving sometime in the next year, closer to the school, more into Langley. I am getting tired of the daily (and sometimes twice) commute to Langley (although it isn't THAT far) and having grown up being close to the school, I feel a pull back home. Plus the house is starting to get too small at just over 1300 square feet and 1 bathroom, it would be nice to have a bit more space and a quiet room for D to sleep after night shifts. We had only planned to stay in this house 5-6 years but have managed to stretch it out to 8, which hasn't been too bad because we really have loved this house and living here. It was exactly what we needed, close to Abbotsford for D's work at the time, big yard, and who knew that living so close to the Aldergrove Kinsmen Hall would be a big payoff becoming a Fitness instructor. I can see how God's had His plans for us to move here and why, before we even knew what they were, and it is so reassuring. We will see if and when we move, all in God's time and again much praying for answers about this will come.
D is doing well, the last 5 weeks he has been working very hard and been excelling. Today he told me 2 members of his troop got sent home, and I had met and talked a bit with one of them when I was there, so I was shocked. I can't imagine putting in 18 weeks of hard work, and then not to be able to graduate. But there are reasons for these things and the decisions that were made don't come easy. It was a good reminder for me to continue praying for Darryl as well as he has been doing, it has all been a blessing from God. Only 7 more sleeps till he comes home, and I cannot wait. I can't wait to see the look on the boys faces, on D's face, and enjoy each other like we never have. These opportunities rarely come in life, to be so appreciative of what we have, to miss each other this much, and to realize how dependent we are on God, and this to is a blessing.
Well I have 2 weeks off from teaching as well, and as much as I cherish it, I look forward to the no schedule of life. The longer I teach, the more connected I am with the students and the more I like being a part of something. Today we were playing a basketball game with the grade 7's, and I was 'reffing' the game. They were asking me some questions about what the signs were for things like travelling, subs, and fouls..so I was showing them. Then they asked me how I knew, (because I have told them I wasn't exactly an 'athlete' in school) and I told them I used to scorekeep and ref games in highschool a lot. I even told them I got the 'scorekeeper of the year' award (first time I ever admitted that publicly) and still have my medal, and we all kind of giggled about it together. But then I realized had I not done all that reffing and scorekeeping, I would not have known most of the signs and rules for the different sports we play. I again had to stop for a minute and marvel at God's grace and how he uses things from our past, that we think may have been useless, to better serve others. Thank you Lord.
So, other than that, everything else is great. The boys are still doing pretty good, but I think we are all ready for a nice break. I don't think we have ever looked this forward to Christmas and the boys are counting down the sleeps everyday. Jude is blabbering more than ever, calling Cody "Cogy" and it sounds really cute. He has really bonded with Cody since D left, and I love watching them hug in the mornings and after school when Cody gets home. If he has been crying in the night, he asks for "cogy" and when I lay him beside Cody, they snuggle up together and Jude settles right away. Maybe Cody is the man of the house for Jude..I dunno, but I am glad. Jesse is missing his Dad and has been coping better than I expected. Unlike Cody, he does not like change in his routine too much and isn't fond of any 'pressure' which I blame entirely on D's genes, but has been a good learning experience for me to try and keep the weekly 'routine' going. He will fair much better in school than his older brother I am guessing, because he really loves a structured environment and feels more in control then. I love his quirky little personality and the fact that he knows what he wants in life, and what he doesn't. Better that then me, where I can't sometimes make a decision if my life depended on it. I think Jude will be the clown of the family, always being goofy, putting anything on his head and pretending it's a hat. Cody is a showman and looking to have the most fun possible, with the least amount of work possible. He likes to push the boundaries as far as he can, but loves music, singing, dancing and anything to do with computer. Hmm, I have NOOO idea where he gets it from, but it has it's good and bad sides. I lived it...so I am ready for the battle.
I have so much to be thankful for, and have been very blessed by so many. Yesterday and the day before my dad came here after work (he starts at like 5 a.m. or something crazy like that) and raked all my front and back leaves and sprayed my driveway. We had some good laughs when we were picking up the leaves about our acreage back in the day and how many piles of leaves Nellie and I had to rake and pick up, and how long it aways took. My Dad would come out and do this little demonstration and be raking like a madman showing us how it was done. Then 1 of us would pick up the rake after he left and pretend to go all crazy with the rake and giggle our heads off together. Then I began telling him about how we felt like it was pure torture on a cold fall day after school to do all that hard work and ho we would bike home from school and try to hideout n our rooms after snack time so he'd forget. Thanks Dad, for giving us some work ethic, and for coming over and helping me out this week. I really like being independent but there is something about getting some help from your dad that warms my heart. He always liked doing outside work and to this day he really enjoys it. And there are not too many 60 year old guys out there going to work at 5 am and doing the physical job of a 25 year old and keeping up quite well. I love my Dad!
Well we are down to the wire being 3/4 of the way done 'this' journey and then onto the next one, I cannot wait to see what the New Year is going to bring. Praise the Lord!
God is great. We found out on Monday that D was posted to Surrey, number 2 on our list, but number 1 on God's list. I wasn't in total shock I must say, as it was 'sounding' like it was a good possibility he was going to be in the Lower Mainland, but I never counted on it. I am happy, Darryl is happy, and my family is happy. I did not expect him to know already, but Monday I had called him around 4:30 and his phone rang but he did not answer. then he phoned me about 1 hour later and I let Jude answer and blab on speaker phone for a while. Then I was telling Jude to show Dad all the new words he knew, like Cheese...and I was saying "Jude say cheese". This went on for a while, until D pipes up, Jude can you say this? Then I knew what he was going to tell me the answer right there. He says "Jude, can you say Surrey?". Well I grabbed the phone so fast, Jude barely knew what happened. Anyways, it couldn't really have been better news, I wasn't really looking to quit my job, uproot my family, and sell my house in a matter of weeks, right after Christmas. I knew that either way, moving or not, God would be with us, and His plan was best, this outcome was just a lot easier to accept. We are hopefully planning on moving sometime in the next year, closer to the school, more into Langley. I am getting tired of the daily (and sometimes twice) commute to Langley (although it isn't THAT far) and having grown up being close to the school, I feel a pull back home. Plus the house is starting to get too small at just over 1300 square feet and 1 bathroom, it would be nice to have a bit more space and a quiet room for D to sleep after night shifts. We had only planned to stay in this house 5-6 years but have managed to stretch it out to 8, which hasn't been too bad because we really have loved this house and living here. It was exactly what we needed, close to Abbotsford for D's work at the time, big yard, and who knew that living so close to the Aldergrove Kinsmen Hall would be a big payoff becoming a Fitness instructor. I can see how God's had His plans for us to move here and why, before we even knew what they were, and it is so reassuring. We will see if and when we move, all in God's time and again much praying for answers about this will come.
D is doing well, the last 5 weeks he has been working very hard and been excelling. Today he told me 2 members of his troop got sent home, and I had met and talked a bit with one of them when I was there, so I was shocked. I can't imagine putting in 18 weeks of hard work, and then not to be able to graduate. But there are reasons for these things and the decisions that were made don't come easy. It was a good reminder for me to continue praying for Darryl as well as he has been doing, it has all been a blessing from God. Only 7 more sleeps till he comes home, and I cannot wait. I can't wait to see the look on the boys faces, on D's face, and enjoy each other like we never have. These opportunities rarely come in life, to be so appreciative of what we have, to miss each other this much, and to realize how dependent we are on God, and this to is a blessing.
Well I have 2 weeks off from teaching as well, and as much as I cherish it, I look forward to the no schedule of life. The longer I teach, the more connected I am with the students and the more I like being a part of something. Today we were playing a basketball game with the grade 7's, and I was 'reffing' the game. They were asking me some questions about what the signs were for things like travelling, subs, and fouls..so I was showing them. Then they asked me how I knew, (because I have told them I wasn't exactly an 'athlete' in school) and I told them I used to scorekeep and ref games in highschool a lot. I even told them I got the 'scorekeeper of the year' award (first time I ever admitted that publicly) and still have my medal, and we all kind of giggled about it together. But then I realized had I not done all that reffing and scorekeeping, I would not have known most of the signs and rules for the different sports we play. I again had to stop for a minute and marvel at God's grace and how he uses things from our past, that we think may have been useless, to better serve others. Thank you Lord.
So, other than that, everything else is great. The boys are still doing pretty good, but I think we are all ready for a nice break. I don't think we have ever looked this forward to Christmas and the boys are counting down the sleeps everyday. Jude is blabbering more than ever, calling Cody "Cogy" and it sounds really cute. He has really bonded with Cody since D left, and I love watching them hug in the mornings and after school when Cody gets home. If he has been crying in the night, he asks for "cogy" and when I lay him beside Cody, they snuggle up together and Jude settles right away. Maybe Cody is the man of the house for Jude..I dunno, but I am glad. Jesse is missing his Dad and has been coping better than I expected. Unlike Cody, he does not like change in his routine too much and isn't fond of any 'pressure' which I blame entirely on D's genes, but has been a good learning experience for me to try and keep the weekly 'routine' going. He will fair much better in school than his older brother I am guessing, because he really loves a structured environment and feels more in control then. I love his quirky little personality and the fact that he knows what he wants in life, and what he doesn't. Better that then me, where I can't sometimes make a decision if my life depended on it. I think Jude will be the clown of the family, always being goofy, putting anything on his head and pretending it's a hat. Cody is a showman and looking to have the most fun possible, with the least amount of work possible. He likes to push the boundaries as far as he can, but loves music, singing, dancing and anything to do with computer. Hmm, I have NOOO idea where he gets it from, but it has it's good and bad sides. I lived it...so I am ready for the battle.
I have so much to be thankful for, and have been very blessed by so many. Yesterday and the day before my dad came here after work (he starts at like 5 a.m. or something crazy like that) and raked all my front and back leaves and sprayed my driveway. We had some good laughs when we were picking up the leaves about our acreage back in the day and how many piles of leaves Nellie and I had to rake and pick up, and how long it aways took. My Dad would come out and do this little demonstration and be raking like a madman showing us how it was done. Then 1 of us would pick up the rake after he left and pretend to go all crazy with the rake and giggle our heads off together. Then I began telling him about how we felt like it was pure torture on a cold fall day after school to do all that hard work and ho we would bike home from school and try to hideout n our rooms after snack time so he'd forget. Thanks Dad, for giving us some work ethic, and for coming over and helping me out this week. I really like being independent but there is something about getting some help from your dad that warms my heart. He always liked doing outside work and to this day he really enjoys it. And there are not too many 60 year old guys out there going to work at 5 am and doing the physical job of a 25 year old and keeping up quite well. I love my Dad!
Well we are down to the wire being 3/4 of the way done 'this' journey and then onto the next one, I cannot wait to see what the New Year is going to bring. Praise the Lord!
Monday, December 13, 2010
Praising God
God is teaching me patience, something that does not come easy for me, and I am thankful for this gift. He is also teaching me to trust in HIM alone and to give all control over...which is even harder. But it is very freeing and also a wonderful blessing. I am eagerly waiting what HIS plans are and I am so blessed to be on this journey, God has taken me so far. There is no one like Him, he is Sovereign and I am humbled by all the wonderful things He has done and is doing for me. The weekend was beautiful and I am overwhelmed by his grace and love over and over. Praise the LORD!
"Who am I, O Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?" 2 Samuel 7:18
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU_rTX23V7Q
"Who am I, O Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?" 2 Samuel 7:18
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU_rTX23V7Q
Sunday, December 5, 2010
BC it is...
I will make this post short as it is late and I need to attend to my messy kitchen, (ok house) if I do not, then in the a.m. it will take twice as long, and the week looks pretty packed already. So many of you know from the very scrutinized but still popular facebook (I think it's pretty funny how many lurkers there are on FB that don't admit it) that my hubby received the news Friday we were posted to BC which we are of course happy about. I wasn't totally surprised as I knew there were 9 postings in BC for Darryl's troop and 8 people from BC so the odds were good. That being said, there was 1 cadet who had picked BC and lives on the island who got AB but he and his wife were open to some adventures, so it was good.
Well what is it like having your life on paper in the palm of someone's hand somewhere in a RCMP staffing office in BC, who has never met you, and will be deciding your future? Well, I say to people, it is like the end of a pregnancy. Your a little tired of people asking, (but your happy they care)though you hope it's soon, you know your life is going to change dramatically either way, but you still want the outcome. The beginning seems so fast, and now the end is really dragging out, and you just want it out. But I like to see it as being in the palm of Gods hand, and it feels much more reassuring then. I have been bemoaning a little bit to Darryl about possibly moving, but he keeps reminding me of what we signed up for in the beginning and we knew this time would come. That being said, when your husband hands in an application to the RCMP and you agree, it seems like a long shot. Then suddenly here we are 2 years later, and what we had agreed upon is now becoming a reality. So last night, after some enlightenment and prayer, I decided to be happy either way. This whole experience has been and is a huge gift from God, and the sooner I accept it, the easier it will become, despite the outcome. I told D last night, I said for better or for worse, and I meant it. That being said, God always seemingly has a way of making a not so great situation, a great one. So it is actually quite exciting, to think we could have a whole new different life waiting for us in some un-named city or town, or rabbit hole for that matter. It is time to be tough and tough times never last, but tough people do. I also like that saying "fake it, till you make it" I used that a lot when I was starting out as a Fitness Instructor and it is really true. You can change your thoughts, then your thoughts start to become your actions and your actions become who you are.
I also think if I accept that we will be moving and decide to be happy about it before we actually find out, then either way, it won't be so hard. Another wife from depot said "I am hoping for the best, and preparing for the worst". So 2-3 weeks is how long we have left with this whole ordeal...for the most part, and I am excited and also trying to someone enjoy the unknown. There is a cadet in Darryl's troop who knows he is going to one of those postings waaay up north in MB, and he also had 3 boys and a wife. His posting however, doesn't even require a squad car, it requires a quad and atv vehicles. His kids will not be able to attend school as there is no school that is even remotely close, and his wife has to face the fact that she is now a full fledge homeschooling mother. Along with the fact, this man's future job here will include scaring off Polar Bears from locals and having a detachment that is a mobile. And they are from Toronto...Yeesh. So I am not complaining, instead I am trusting that whatever the outcome, God has great plans for us, and we are just here patiently waiting to find out what the beginning of this whole adventure entails. For the record, I am glad I don't have to make the BIG decision.
Albert Einstein
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Happy 35th Babe!
My eyes are open, yes, and my huge mug of coffee and prayer are what is going to get me through this day. today is a blog vent. so I am warning you, I am using this blog today as a crutch, since my hubby is not here. I know there are Mom's out there who are going to know exactly what it's like, cause having kids, is like kissing solid sleep good-bye...forever.
I got home last night after a crazy evening of dead batteries, aerobic class (first one since September) an intense Bible Study discussion about church matters close to my heart, and picking out paint colours online with my dear youngest sister for her new future home. Bedtime did not end up coming till 1 a.m. which was a huge mistake. On the plus side, all the boys were in their own bed so I was hoping for a sweet sleep, alone. Boy, was I wrong. By 2 a.m. I was still mumbling prayers, dozing in and out, thinking about the impending province pick this Friday amongst other things. I ordered a cake for Darryl's birthday which is today, and I am hoping it gets there and all works out. I am thinking about the class I taught, the discussion that evening over 2 cups of coffee and a bit of a racing pulse. I am hypocrite? I love most things about our church, but the worship style is hard to take, and I am studying about David dancing naked before God. Seems more my style, ok maybe not the naked part, or the dancing in a huge group part, but something. Time + conflict= change. That is what we learned about David's life and God's plan. What if there is no conflict? Then there will be no change? Can I live with that? So I am torn about what I even want. One thing is for sure, I want him back, whether it's here or somewhere else. I can see it on my kids that they are lacking in the parental attention and positive reinforcement. More guilt. 2:00 a.m., I hear a thonk, on the front porch and look out the blinds. Right, that globe and mail I got talked into taking for free, gets delivered at 2 a.m.. Thanks for that. then I hear more noises, yes, my oldest is up, going to the bathroom, then stumbles in my room to climb in. I am too tired at this point to resist and really don't mind the company.
Starting to fall asleep by 2:30...at 2:45 I hear more noises, Jude is awake. He starts to cry, I leave him for about 5 minutes, get up, get him, snuggle him on the rocking chair for a while, put him back. Cries again. Forget it, pick him up, bring him to my bed. We settle. It's 3 a.m., I have to get at least 4 hours to function. 3:15 a.m., more noises. Not the kind from the bedroom. Great, are the racoons back in the attic? Maybe it's my imagination. I look outside my blinds and see two teenagers standing in front of my house on the road...maybe that's the globe and mail people, I dunno. Lay back down. Hear a really loud crash against my house, okay something or someone just banged the front of my house. I look outside and see a girl teenager come from beside my house walking on my front lawn. Are they breaking in my van? What is going on? Ugh...I need to move. She joins the other teenagers on the road. I lay back down. It's 3:30..I try to go back to sleep. I am worried about tomorrow because I have killed my battery twice and what if it won't start when i try to jump it in the morning, I won't be able to go to work. Ok, I will go to Canadian Tire and get it replaced if it does start before school, with the boys. It's 3:45..more noises. This time, it's Jesse. Fine, come on in. No one is settled. This is my fault. If I were a better mother, i would make them all go back to bed, crying aside and have 1 bad night of everyone crying and be done with it. So I have myself to blame, it's my doing. I am not the good kind of mother...more praying about that.4:15 and Cody's getting annoyed with Jesse's feet. So I move Cody to the end of the bed...a few minutes later he says he is cold. i get up to put my housecoat on him. 4;30... Cody complains Jesse is kicking him. I am done with this whole thing. I get up, leave and go to Jesse's bed..Indeed at least 2 hours. 5:00 a.m., Jude is crying from my room, waking up the other 2. I quickly get him and bring him into Jesse's bed with me...we fall asleep around 5:15 but at 5:30 hear my phone going off that someone is messaging me. Right, it must be Darryl's troop mate that I texted last night about the cake surprise, ok I will check it later. Finally, fall asleep...I wake up at 7:30 in a panic and realize I only have 20 minutes to get Cody dressed, breakfast, make his lunch, pray and make it to the bus. Okay he makes it. My eyes are puffy...kids are wanting breakfast..I put the pot of coffee on, given them some breakfast..and outside to the van to try and jump it. NOTE TO SELF GO TO BED BEFORE 10 p.m.! Today I feel like I need to go back to school..Mom school. How to be a better mother. The kind that is making muffins at 6:45 a.m. with a smile, fully dressed, and ready to give it my all. I will work on that.
Okay that is my vent, my day goes on, hopefully I make it to Canadian tire...or my Mom will have to come here after her Bible Study to rescue me (she is the bomb!) and I will make it to work this afternoon. I do love my job..I love being a Mom more, but it is a nice break, it pays the tuition and it's fun. For now.....I am loving you Julie for my Starbucks mug, with my Komodo Dragon Blend...and for health, grace and God's greatest gift. His Son jesus Christ. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".
Monday, November 22, 2010
The last season is coming, God is good.
So winter is coming, though it feels like it's already here. I can't believe how the time is going by, the days are long, but the weeks are fast. Darryl left in the summer, and would be coming back 2 seasons later in the winter, and now we are almost there. It seems weird that I took the boys to the beach, the zoo and Aldergrove Lake and Darryl was gone already way back then, it does seem like ages ago I did all those things already. But the time went really fast for the first 2 months. Things went along quite nicely and easily and it wasn't too much of a struggle. Then after he visited in October and left, it was getting a little tougher, maybe because we had seen him, or maybe because there wasn't as much to do in the evenings. (Well there was, I just wasn't doing it and was to tired to tackle my to do list by the time 8:30 came around....you know what I mean). But god showed his grace to me because as it got a little tougher the blessings just got richer, and he walked with me. Then last week I visited Darryl, (which was amazing and a HUGE blessing)and this past week after my return was a tough week. It felt long, and it is started to feel like time has stopped, and it was moving slowly. I think it is partly because October dragged on for 5 long weeks, and I also think once December hits, the rest of it will fly by. I am also waiting to for the big news, where we will be living and many things in our life are 'hanging' in the balance of the 'what if'. We would like to move either way, but if we get to stay here, we would likely move next summer. I felt hopeless for a few days, like I got that annoyed "I don't care what happens" attitude..and I didn't like it, and I didn't like that I couldn't just turn it off. I started thinking about all the 'what if's" and I got down about the whole thing. I am not keen on trying to sell my house alone over Christmas, if we have to move far away, especially since there is some work to be done before it gets listed. I have no control over what happens, and it was making me nervous and unexpectantly anxious. Last week, I felt done with the whole thing,especially after finding out the realities of what being a RCMP wife all entails. But we signed up for this together and agreed on it together, and I said...in riches or poverty right? Well, I am not poverse, but the pressure to work more to make ends meet is going to be more apparent..and that's okay, I am not scared of work, I like it. I am scared of the unknown, and it is hard to give all that control we all love so much to have over to God, even though it is way more freeing. And even though I thought I'd be excited for the adventure, I dunno. After over 2 years of waiting, our life is all coming down to the next three weeks...what pressure! So, one bad week out of 15, is something I am chalking up to all the stress mounting and the what if's. Humbled, I spent a lot of Sunday evening in prayer, and I awoke this morning with a new sense of gratitude and relief. It was a joy to not have those anxious feelings, but it gave me a lot of empathy for those who have an ongoing struggle with it...which is a good thing, I am not the most merciful person at the best of times and so I am once again humbled by this lesson.It unfortunately came out in a very unexpected setting, but I had some very supportive of people in my life to talk to and give me some good listening ears and advice, which I desperately needed. It is hard not being able to bounce everything off of your hubby, especially the big things. And if I have tried to relay some stress over the crackly cell phone, I can tell it isn't the first thing he is worrying about as he has much more to worry about right now, like getting to grad. He asked me a couple of weeks ago if I still had my wedding dress and if I still fit into it (funny I had recently tried it on and it was too small in some areas and way to big in other areas, goes to show you how a womens body changes after having kids), and I was like "yes, but you didn't ever really like it anyways. "Oh yeah" he says to me..."Why" i ask him. Well then he asks me if I wanted to renew my vows with the Saturday before grad in Regina. I guess more people who are already married have done this, because they are apart for 6 months, (and we have been married for 10 years this past year) and it is nice in a way to get a picture of us dressed up.(they have a minister at chapel there anyways on the Saturday) I kind of reacted badly when he asked me, I think I said something like "Okay, what for?"... I didn't get it. But I could tell his feelings were a bit hurt when he explained it all to me and then said"Oh forget it, we don't have to do it...I just thought it would be special". So I was like "Okay well do you think people would want to come to this..and what will your parents think?" Anyways, the conversation went on like that, and so I am thinking of doing it...no white gown please. I was planning on buying him some sort of decent ring for grad since the one we got was 75 bucks from Wal-mart and he still is wearing this hunk of junk now. So we will see, I am not really the dress wearing princess type, but I know he likes that, so I am going to try...I went to my Mom's place last week and tried on bunch of my sisters old dresses and I could probably make something work...and it is sweet that he thought of this all on his own.
So on we trudge, getting through these next 5 weeks will be the toughest I think, and then after that...it will pretty much be over, so I am looking forward to that. He is doing very well, and excelling at my different activities and even though he talks about "hopefully making it to grad"..I am confident he will. He says he can feel all the prayers, because he doesn't think he would be doing nearly as well otherwise...so another wonderful way of God showing us his grace through others. I leave todays post with this awesome devotion I got in my email this morning which seemed perfectly written just for me, to count my blessings and realize how much I have to be thankful for..
http://www.harvest.org/devotional/daily-devotions/home.html
So on we trudge, getting through these next 5 weeks will be the toughest I think, and then after that...it will pretty much be over, so I am looking forward to that. He is doing very well, and excelling at my different activities and even though he talks about "hopefully making it to grad"..I am confident he will. He says he can feel all the prayers, because he doesn't think he would be doing nearly as well otherwise...so another wonderful way of God showing us his grace through others. I leave todays post with this awesome devotion I got in my email this morning which seemed perfectly written just for me, to count my blessings and realize how much I have to be thankful for..
http://www.harvest.org/devotional/daily-devotions/home.html
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
AMAZING!
Oh, give thanks to the LORD! Call upon His name; Make known His deeds among the peoples! ... 1 Chron 16:8.
So....even though I have told the story fifty times today, the house is quiet and it seems is the only time I am able to blog without having an interruption every 5 seconds; plus after 8 pm I go nuts on cleaning, working out, and spending as much time wake and alone as I can because the noise begins again early in the a.m.. (as I am sure all you Moms know about)
So I have been nothing but blessed since D left, and had nothing but love from our gracious God and from others, but the unsurmountable grace and blessings that I have continued to receive over the last weeks has made me stand in awe of our HIM even more. I don't think I have ever experienced such love from my communion of saints, family friends and such mercy and such compassion from God and others as I have in the last while. Who knew Darryl going away would bring on such thanksgiving and such richness to our lives.
So, last Tuesday I was driving home around 7 p.m from my sisters after work, a per usual and was deep thinking. (This is why I get pulled over and made to take breathalyser tests and cops thinking I am a mental case.) Anyways, I was really missing Darryl and thinking I had done 5 weeks since thanksgiving but 6.5 weeks yet was going to be longer than I had imagined it to be. Suddenly it popped into my head that maybe I should just go see Darryl on Thursday and stay till Sunday. I know my sister or my mom or my friends would help with taking the boys, and I could take Jude because he is still free, and Darryl would just love to see him. Earlier, about a month ago,I had asked Darryl about maybe possibly coming for this time and he had said no way as this was supposed to be hell week and there wouldn't be much of a point since he wouldn't be able to see me.
But I had talked to him already that night, and he had told me his mid-term was the next day (Wednesday) and he had some files to work on the next day. So I went home and checked out prices and was surprised to see that it was only 129 to leave on Thursday morning and 129 to come back on Sunday. But I hadn't actually talked to anyone about taking my kids, and I really wanted to phone Avion in the morning to find out if my points would cover it. I almost did the impulse thing at 11 at night and booked it, but I had decided to pray about it and see if I had some clarity about what I should do in the morning. Well sure enough the next morning prices almost doubled to 309 for Thursday and 209 for Sunday. It was crazy, so I thought no way and was moaning in regret that I hadn't just booked it the night before. Then I went to coffee break Bible study hemming and hawing about it, and our little group of ladies prayed for me to make the right decision. (which after prayer, they all told me I was to go regardless...aww)
After Coffee Break I went to my sisters while a friend took Jesse for lunch, so I could think about what to do and decide. I checked prices again, hoping they'd be down and they were higher at 309 each way. Well there was no way I could pay that, or even justify to pay that...even though in the back of my head a little birdie was saying "Who cares, you will have the memory forever and never regret it." So I phoned West Jet to try and beg them to give me a deal since I was a cadet wife (some places give discounts), but that was a total no go. Then in a last ditch effort I thought about possibly leaving Friday instead and that would save me the cost of the hotel room for a night. So I phoned avion and was surprised to find out I had 55000 points which equals 540 dollars and they had a flight leaving Friday coming back Sunday that totaled 590 dollars..so I would only have to pay 40 dollars. So I booked it, found a hotel, talked them down in price, booked a car rental and felt giddy as ever.
That evening I found out from my 'depot dolls' (wife of men at depot) FB site that troop 6 (Darryl's) was having a halfway party that Friday evening on base in the stand easy lounge, and wives were invited. Darryl never told me because he knew I couldn't come, and so I knew this would be a great weekend to go. After talking with Darryl (I did not tell him anything) I also found out he had volunteered to play the bass drum with some other RCMP and peacekeeping officers that Sunday morning in a remembrance day ceremony that honored one of the congregations WW2 veteran. I also found out that he had 2 files to finish on Thursday that took him till 1 a.m. to finish and so was pretty much homework free for the weekend other than the 1 workout and band practice. So even if I would have gone Thursday I wouldn't have even seen him at all anyways. i could not believe all the coincidences, well I wouldn't call them that. God had totally planned it all, and I had no intention of even going at all. I was astounded at his grace.
Then I thought, I need something to wear...and a coat, so my Mom offered to watch the boys Thursday afternoon and for the first time since D left, I got to do some blissful shopping on my own. I had a 2 gift certificates for winners, one from my dear SIL and one from the school board at Christmas last year that I never spent. I also had one for Reimtans again from my SIL, and so I managed to buy a new coat from winners, top and some accessories (scarf and hat) from, Reitmans. I felt like an undeserved queen, and I was almost as giddy as the night before my wedding. I was stunned at God's grace again, and the many blessings.
I had contacted Darryl's troop-mate that he has become close with as his wife had given me his cell number. So he was going to set something up to make the surprise meeting and his whole troop got involved.
They talked to D's facilitator who said it would be easiest if I met Darryl at the RCMP heritage Center because I would not have to go through security and all that until later. Then he (the facilitator)decided to go around and asked for volunteers to sign up to move some stuff at the heritage center at 5:30 pm...knowing Darryl would sign up since he apparently has volunteered every time they have asked for other things. So here I am after a delayed plane, couldn't find the hotel thanks to my useless GPS, finally showered and ready to leave the hotel to go there. Then my phone rings and it D bemoaning the fact he didn't feel like going to this party, saying he missed Jude (me rubbing it in of course, knowing I am going to see him in 5 minutes) and trying to text his troop mate about my possible ETA. Then D says he has to go because he is going to the Heritage Center to move some boxes and finishes by asking what is that weird noise in the background (the gps) and me having to make white lie once again. After getting a little lost, again thanks to my GPS, I pull into the driveway and there are about 8 people all in their blues (uniform, they told him they all were supposed to wear it) standing there looking at me pulling up. (It was dark so he couldn't see it was me). They of course, were Darryl's close friends in his troops that he had made, and were all in on it and wanting to see this go down.
So I pull up, jump out of the car, and I would pay money to see again the absolute shock on his face..he was stunned, had no idea. He acted confused after giving me a hug, and told me later he was thinking "oh great Leanne finds me all the way out here and now I committed to helping move this stuff". Then yes, turns around to his troop mates and realizes they were all in on it...then saw Jude in the back seat and that was it...and yes...cried.
Needless to say, the weekend went fabo. I got a tour of depot, followed by a halfway party where I got to meet all his troop mates, facilitators and more cadets. Spent most of Saturday together (and yes he is allowed off base on weekends so was able to spend 2 nighs at the hotel). He found out Saturday that the Sergeant wanted everyone dressed in reds, so got to break the rules and wear the whole get up, serge and all, (you have to earn it and can only wear it after week 23) and I think it was my proudest moment seeing him coming down the isle (Jude pointing) in church playing the huge drum strapped to him while marching in his uniform. Who could have known that this was how my weekend played out...that he wouldn't have home work, passed his mid-term with flying colors, had this party,and was involved in this ceremony. When I returned home, the blessings had doubled from other family and I felt so undeserving of this whole weekend, my whole life really, and I know it is pure grace alone. As of now, I feel so absolutely cloaked in rich blessings and I cannot believe how God worked everything out. It just proves he cares about even the smallest details of our lives and the only thing I can say is that I am speechless and humbled by his grace and love. To God be the glory!
So....even though I have told the story fifty times today, the house is quiet and it seems is the only time I am able to blog without having an interruption every 5 seconds; plus after 8 pm I go nuts on cleaning, working out, and spending as much time wake and alone as I can because the noise begins again early in the a.m.. (as I am sure all you Moms know about)
So I have been nothing but blessed since D left, and had nothing but love from our gracious God and from others, but the unsurmountable grace and blessings that I have continued to receive over the last weeks has made me stand in awe of our HIM even more. I don't think I have ever experienced such love from my communion of saints, family friends and such mercy and such compassion from God and others as I have in the last while. Who knew Darryl going away would bring on such thanksgiving and such richness to our lives.
So, last Tuesday I was driving home around 7 p.m from my sisters after work, a per usual and was deep thinking. (This is why I get pulled over and made to take breathalyser tests and cops thinking I am a mental case.) Anyways, I was really missing Darryl and thinking I had done 5 weeks since thanksgiving but 6.5 weeks yet was going to be longer than I had imagined it to be. Suddenly it popped into my head that maybe I should just go see Darryl on Thursday and stay till Sunday. I know my sister or my mom or my friends would help with taking the boys, and I could take Jude because he is still free, and Darryl would just love to see him. Earlier, about a month ago,I had asked Darryl about maybe possibly coming for this time and he had said no way as this was supposed to be hell week and there wouldn't be much of a point since he wouldn't be able to see me.
But I had talked to him already that night, and he had told me his mid-term was the next day (Wednesday) and he had some files to work on the next day. So I went home and checked out prices and was surprised to see that it was only 129 to leave on Thursday morning and 129 to come back on Sunday. But I hadn't actually talked to anyone about taking my kids, and I really wanted to phone Avion in the morning to find out if my points would cover it. I almost did the impulse thing at 11 at night and booked it, but I had decided to pray about it and see if I had some clarity about what I should do in the morning. Well sure enough the next morning prices almost doubled to 309 for Thursday and 209 for Sunday. It was crazy, so I thought no way and was moaning in regret that I hadn't just booked it the night before. Then I went to coffee break Bible study hemming and hawing about it, and our little group of ladies prayed for me to make the right decision. (which after prayer, they all told me I was to go regardless...aww)
After Coffee Break I went to my sisters while a friend took Jesse for lunch, so I could think about what to do and decide. I checked prices again, hoping they'd be down and they were higher at 309 each way. Well there was no way I could pay that, or even justify to pay that...even though in the back of my head a little birdie was saying "Who cares, you will have the memory forever and never regret it." So I phoned West Jet to try and beg them to give me a deal since I was a cadet wife (some places give discounts), but that was a total no go. Then in a last ditch effort I thought about possibly leaving Friday instead and that would save me the cost of the hotel room for a night. So I phoned avion and was surprised to find out I had 55000 points which equals 540 dollars and they had a flight leaving Friday coming back Sunday that totaled 590 dollars..so I would only have to pay 40 dollars. So I booked it, found a hotel, talked them down in price, booked a car rental and felt giddy as ever.
That evening I found out from my 'depot dolls' (wife of men at depot) FB site that troop 6 (Darryl's) was having a halfway party that Friday evening on base in the stand easy lounge, and wives were invited. Darryl never told me because he knew I couldn't come, and so I knew this would be a great weekend to go. After talking with Darryl (I did not tell him anything) I also found out he had volunteered to play the bass drum with some other RCMP and peacekeeping officers that Sunday morning in a remembrance day ceremony that honored one of the congregations WW2 veteran. I also found out that he had 2 files to finish on Thursday that took him till 1 a.m. to finish and so was pretty much homework free for the weekend other than the 1 workout and band practice. So even if I would have gone Thursday I wouldn't have even seen him at all anyways. i could not believe all the coincidences, well I wouldn't call them that. God had totally planned it all, and I had no intention of even going at all. I was astounded at his grace.
Then I thought, I need something to wear...and a coat, so my Mom offered to watch the boys Thursday afternoon and for the first time since D left, I got to do some blissful shopping on my own. I had a 2 gift certificates for winners, one from my dear SIL and one from the school board at Christmas last year that I never spent. I also had one for Reimtans again from my SIL, and so I managed to buy a new coat from winners, top and some accessories (scarf and hat) from, Reitmans. I felt like an undeserved queen, and I was almost as giddy as the night before my wedding. I was stunned at God's grace again, and the many blessings.
I had contacted Darryl's troop-mate that he has become close with as his wife had given me his cell number. So he was going to set something up to make the surprise meeting and his whole troop got involved.
They talked to D's facilitator who said it would be easiest if I met Darryl at the RCMP heritage Center because I would not have to go through security and all that until later. Then he (the facilitator)decided to go around and asked for volunteers to sign up to move some stuff at the heritage center at 5:30 pm...knowing Darryl would sign up since he apparently has volunteered every time they have asked for other things. So here I am after a delayed plane, couldn't find the hotel thanks to my useless GPS, finally showered and ready to leave the hotel to go there. Then my phone rings and it D bemoaning the fact he didn't feel like going to this party, saying he missed Jude (me rubbing it in of course, knowing I am going to see him in 5 minutes) and trying to text his troop mate about my possible ETA. Then D says he has to go because he is going to the Heritage Center to move some boxes and finishes by asking what is that weird noise in the background (the gps) and me having to make white lie once again. After getting a little lost, again thanks to my GPS, I pull into the driveway and there are about 8 people all in their blues (uniform, they told him they all were supposed to wear it) standing there looking at me pulling up. (It was dark so he couldn't see it was me). They of course, were Darryl's close friends in his troops that he had made, and were all in on it and wanting to see this go down.
So I pull up, jump out of the car, and I would pay money to see again the absolute shock on his face..he was stunned, had no idea. He acted confused after giving me a hug, and told me later he was thinking "oh great Leanne finds me all the way out here and now I committed to helping move this stuff". Then yes, turns around to his troop mates and realizes they were all in on it...then saw Jude in the back seat and that was it...and yes...cried.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
10 things I learned on my trip to Regina
1. It is cold
2. When the car rental company says 23 dollars a day, they really mean 75 with hidden fees.
3. Westjet is very accommodating to people travelling with kids
4. Don't ever trust a GPS over instinct
5. "Château" just sounds nice.
6. It is flat
7. Saskatchewan has more passion and paraphernalia for a football team than I have ever seen anyone have for any team, period.
8. They are bored
9. Don't ever order a breakfast wrap from Tim Hortons.
10. Movember means men grow yucky mustaches, but I still love my man more than ever (even with a mustache)
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Can't sleep, can't sleep
OOOHHH....can't sleep!!!!!!!!! Darryl has his midterm tomorrow and this is huge for him....I want to go see my hubby so bad...why didn't I think about this earlier....it would be the perfect weekend and I would love to surprise him.I totally cannot afford it, but I want to afford it when I think about his reaction and Jude's reaction...and 10 years from now when we look back...and smile about it with no regrets.....and I wish I wasn't so indecisive.....I must pray for answer.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Losing my marbles??
ARGGHH! I am losing it, I swear. With all of the things I have been forgetting in the last 2 weeks (kids, appointments, library books, wallet, dead battery, meals from people, birthdays, lost my keys) I am surprised the house hasn't burnt down. (knock on wood). What is wrong with me? I am supposed to be a responsible grown up adult, I mean, I am known to be forgetful, clumsy and indecisive, but this, this is new. So if you are reading this and you have fallen prey to one of my antics in the last while, I am sorry! And no, I am not pregnant!
And lately, there have been more little 'problems' at depot with people quitting, getting told to go home, and it's making me nervous. Time to chillout I guess. Suddenly, I am remembering the bottle of wine my beautiful sister-in-law gave me last weekend...and it IS Friday night....bath is calling...yep okay. End of post!
And lately, there have been more little 'problems' at depot with people quitting, getting told to go home, and it's making me nervous. Time to chillout I guess. Suddenly, I am remembering the bottle of wine my beautiful sister-in-law gave me last weekend...and it IS Friday night....bath is calling...yep okay. End of post!
Monday, November 1, 2010
HALF WAY!
Yipee...we are officially at the half way mark...and things are looking up. They say the second half goes faster than the first, but considering it is supposed to be a cold winter, who knows. I had my first sort of difficult week last week, nothing really specific, just felt annoyed, tired, a little anxious and down. On Tuesday I had come hoe from work and being at my sister around 7 and noticed the front window was all foggy and had condensation. Then as I came into the house I smelt like a burning motor smell and the dishwasher was still running from the morning, and making some terrible noise. I opened it and all the dishes had some film, so I took them out and began washing them. As I was washing, Jesse came around the corner and wiped out on all the water on the floor from the leaking freezer.....and then wouldn't stop crying, which made Jude start into this major fit. And that was about the height of frustration...kids didn't get down till 8:15 which waaaay to late for them especially the older 2. Then followed the dryer malfunctioning..which is now fixed. By the time Sunday evening came, God had turned my week around and sent all kinds of loved ones my way to bless me. It wasn't nice feeling a little out of control of my feelings, but it is great to see how God shows me that he is always in control, even when I think I am, and it made me realize how much I need him, depend on him, for my every breathe. I still get that uncomfortable twinge of guilt when people show up with a dinner, gift card, or offer for help. I like to do things all myself and I hate asking for help or being vulnerable. But God doesn't create us to be comfortable, he creates us to worship him, love him, serve him, and serve others. This is a learning process, an education of sorts, for Darryl and I....I just hope that I take what I have learned it and apply to it in my life, for the rest of my life. It doesn't always work that way thought does it? Every time I think I have mastered a weakness and work on another, it creeps back up and disappoints me. Sometimes I feel like the Israelites walking 40 years through the desert and God saying "really, we are still here?". Thank God for grace...or I'd convert to the Catholic faith I think, and try work my guilt away. What an awesome God we have.
Yes, i am happy to call myself blessed, by God, by others, I am inspired now to get my hands to work to do more for others. To encourage more, love more, help more and complain less, and I like it.
Darryl is still keeping his head above water for now. Last week 2 cadets in his troop 'quit', they don't really know or say why, but this is when the tough gets going. I asked Darryl if he had thought of quitting ever ad he said "no...you can't think like that, you have to take it one day at a time'. I asked him if he thinks about camping net summer or having time to lay on a beach with nothing to do, and he said no. He said he only thinks about Christmas and getting to that point because that is a realistic goal....true. He has a great troop and all the men get along well, though they are frustrated with 1 or 2 of the women (surprise surprise). If one fails a question at 'drill', they all suffer...so you can imagine how that goes. He has been moved from being in a room with all 30 in his troop, to individual rooms, and at first he didn't like it, but now he does. It's only 5 or 6 weeks till we know where we will be living for the next 3-5 years. Exciting!
The boys got spoiled rotten this weekend, (as did I!)with Harvest Night, then at my brothers place they got all kinds of goodies, watched How to train a dragon and hung out with cousins, then went trick or treating. They were acting pretty spoiled today too, and maybe a little overtired from going here there and everywhere. Cody came home today from school and when he came into the kitchen says.."Mom, when I get off the bus tomorrow after school and come home, I think you should have this mess cleaned up." So I said, I thought it was pretty clean? "No, here look at the pieces of rice on the stove, and the pumpkin on the counter, that needs to be cleaned up better". Starting to sound like his father now, but it gave me a good laugh. Then we went to Otter Coop tonight to get some much needed groceries and he is giving me some attitude so I say "Cody, you wouldn't talk to your teacher like that would you?" "No Mom, she is more umm...serious than you" What do you mean Cody? " Like she gives time out for the tinyist thing I do wrong, but you only give them when I do way badder things, she's more responsible." Oh..okay...note to self....time to get this ship in top shape before the hubby comes home and thinks all you know what has broken loose. From the mouths of babes! Ahh my children, they keep me humble for sure.
Yes, i am happy to call myself blessed, by God, by others, I am inspired now to get my hands to work to do more for others. To encourage more, love more, help more and complain less, and I like it.
Darryl is still keeping his head above water for now. Last week 2 cadets in his troop 'quit', they don't really know or say why, but this is when the tough gets going. I asked Darryl if he had thought of quitting ever ad he said "no...you can't think like that, you have to take it one day at a time'. I asked him if he thinks about camping net summer or having time to lay on a beach with nothing to do, and he said no. He said he only thinks about Christmas and getting to that point because that is a realistic goal....true. He has a great troop and all the men get along well, though they are frustrated with 1 or 2 of the women (surprise surprise). If one fails a question at 'drill', they all suffer...so you can imagine how that goes. He has been moved from being in a room with all 30 in his troop, to individual rooms, and at first he didn't like it, but now he does. It's only 5 or 6 weeks till we know where we will be living for the next 3-5 years. Exciting!
The boys got spoiled rotten this weekend, (as did I!)with Harvest Night, then at my brothers place they got all kinds of goodies, watched How to train a dragon and hung out with cousins, then went trick or treating. They were acting pretty spoiled today too, and maybe a little overtired from going here there and everywhere. Cody came home today from school and when he came into the kitchen says.."Mom, when I get off the bus tomorrow after school and come home, I think you should have this mess cleaned up." So I said, I thought it was pretty clean? "No, here look at the pieces of rice on the stove, and the pumpkin on the counter, that needs to be cleaned up better". Starting to sound like his father now, but it gave me a good laugh. Then we went to Otter Coop tonight to get some much needed groceries and he is giving me some attitude so I say "Cody, you wouldn't talk to your teacher like that would you?" "No Mom, she is more umm...serious than you" What do you mean Cody? " Like she gives time out for the tinyist thing I do wrong, but you only give them when I do way badder things, she's more responsible." Oh..okay...note to self....time to get this ship in top shape before the hubby comes home and thinks all you know what has broken loose. From the mouths of babes! Ahh my children, they keep me humble for sure.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
The Power of Prayer
Week 11-
Fall is here already and the weather has been outstanding, and I soak in every moment of God's beauty that I can. I am realizing the power of prayer, and how I am really experiencing right now. We are almost at the halfway mark, and life is wonderful. I love everything about today. My God, my communion with family, friends, church, my husband, my children, my job (SO FUN!), my house...with the 11 year old futon comfy as ever and going strong, my fleece pajamas, my tea...the list goes on. I only need the first 1, the rest is just a huge undeserved blessing. It's quiet and I am alone here, but I am not lonely. God is taking care of me and the boys and I know it is because of answered prayers and His grace. This journey I am on has given me a whole new appreciation and appetite for life, a new perspective, and I am rejoicing. Believe me when I say, there are times..I call them moments..that it can be trying, but they pass...and then comes more grace. I want to Shout to the Lord and sing His praises all day long, He is GOOD. I end this evenings post with a favourite Psalm...
Psalm 121
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Monday, October 11, 2010
So it's hello..and then goodbye again...
Is saying good-bye harder the second time, since I know what I am in for? For sure...but it still was worth the weekend. I would mark it as one of the best weekends ever, and we didn't even have to go anywhere or do anything. Saturday morning waking up with the kids and no schedule was like a dream, and after one fantastic and convicting sermon on Sunday morning (my ears were burning..anyone else?), Darryl said it was good to be home. Today we spent part of the day at the new Aldergrove bike park 1 street over from our house, with my sister and her husband and kids and it was beautiful weather. It was good to see Darryl back home with the kids, and of course, helping all the other kids too that were there. For me, it is true what they say, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". When I picked him up from the airport, I almost didn't know how to act, like we were dating again, so weird, but something pretty neat to experience. By day 2 it felt like he had never left, and today we were both quiet, knowing he had to leave. He also knew the toughest part of his journey was ahead....as they call it...'hell week' was coming and the work is going to be more and get tougher. So far, he really likes depot and although it has been tough being away from the kids and me, he says it is a lot better than he thought and is glad to be there. he was told there are 16000 applicants right now waiting to get in, and that since budget cuts, they are taking 1/4 of the cadets they were last year. So the odds of him being there are crazy and we both know it is by god's total grace and obviously in his plan.
For me, this next part will be the longest stretch of time away, almost 11 weeks, and no more summer evenings with walks to kill time or sleepovers during the week. There is much to look forward too, as Halloween approaches and I can keep the boys occupied decorating Halloween cookies, pumpkin patch going and pumpkin carving. I bought 2 of those coupon books from Mcdonalds that sell 8 items for $1, only good for November, but I foresee many evenings, especially on weekends, where I can take the kids there to run around and burn some energy and not feel guilty about spending so much money. I also myself am waaaay behind on many things that I thought I would have time for when he was gone but seem to have less time for. I received a letter in the mail stating my BCRPA has expired and if I want to teach Fitness classes in the future I need to take some courses...soon. Or else I may have to get my licence all over again...which would be a lot of work and very expensive. I also am way behind on Darryl's books for the first 6 months of the year and my file box has been staring at me for months. Aside from listing all my 'junk' on ebay and getting rid of stuff to make some extra $$$...I really hope to get this all done before Christmas. This week I have a staff meeting and a soccer tournament so once this is all out of the way, I should be good to tackle some of these mounting projects. Once again, feeling so blessed and so much too be thankful for, astounded at how gracious and Good God is to me and to our family. I couldn't be any richer...
Sharing a song about how I feel right now...
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Beautiful.
Yesterday my Aunt passed away at the age of 53. I didn't know her very well, but I am still sad for my Mom and family. Her life ended in a disease of addiction and wrong choices. But God is good, she confessed him name over the last few years and we can Praise God because she is in the heavens rejoicing and not suffering anymore. We are all here by grace and everything we have received is by grace. With 1 or 2 wrong decisions when we are younger, we could all have different outcomes in our life and it is only by grace we are blessed to be where we are.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
8 weeks...1/3 of 'this' journey done.
Ahhhhh.....I do love Sunday evenings. Kids in bed by 7:15 and the house quiet, except for the sound of the water boiling on the stove for tea. 4 more sleeps till Darryl comes home for a short visit, and we are excited to say the least. I would have really liked to go to Regina with the boys to see what D is all involved in and get a better understanding of things. But this was obviously more cost effective and a chance for him to get 'out' for a bit. Things are still going relatively well, I have had a few more stressy moments with the boys particularly the older 2. It's tough for them not getting all the attention they are used to, and I have been slipping with discipline sometimes and it it shows easily. In church today, I really struggled as I sat in the second row of chairs at the front, smack dab for all eyes to see my 6 year old completely losing it several times. That was tough for me, a range of emotions between embarrassment, anger, frustration and empathy. Cody is exactly like me and does not like being controlled or disciplined for that matter. Church is tough for him, and our church particularly is not geared up at all for kids at the age of 6. It's the be quiet, sit still, learn how to be somewhat of a 'zombie' or else you know what is coming your way when we get home. I disliked this part of church as a child, I guess that is why I was so passionate about Little lambs. I now wish they had a bit of a model like the Christian reformed churches where the kids under the age of 9 can sing in church and then are excused for the sermon part to go learn a bible lesson that is more appropriate to their age level. Well it is tough for him now, as he is whispering to me in church "I wanna be 5, I wanna be 5 again!" Yes, grade 1 Full-time is a huge adjustment alongside no more Sunday school and Dad being gone, I do feel for him, but I couldn't stand that he wouldn't be quiet. I should know better, it is what they call 'payback' I hear. Well, whatever, people will think what they think and I can only only answer to God, so be it I suppose.
Well, tomorrow I am supposed to be going on his field trip with the grade 1 class and taking my other 2 boys. One can only guess how this will all go, but I want to try and take Jesse out more and also be involved in Cody's life as much as I can right now. I have been tempted to go an by some cigarettes once and a while to have one at night while the kids are sleeping, but so far, I haven't. Prayer seems to be the stress reliever of my life and thankfully, its free and all I've got. I do miss teaching classes though, and even when D comes back I don't think it will be as much as I did before because of his new schedule...plus who knows where we will be living anyway.
He is doing great, a tough moment here or there for him, but generally it is going well and he is enjoying the experience thoroughly. I can't believe all the things he has learned and experienced in such a short amount of time, and how much we have learned about each other. I have learned alot too, mostly about my relationship with God. Even though I have very supportive family and friends, and a loving husband....I have been brought to my knees several times and made to realize, that there is no one on this earth that can fulfill the human needs I have other than Christ. That at the end of the day, everyone is sinful and God is the only one with whom we can have a truly intimate relationship with, and who can understand the path we are walking. And for that, i am thankful...GRACE GRACE AND MORE GRACE........Praise the LORD....!
Well, tomorrow I am supposed to be going on his field trip with the grade 1 class and taking my other 2 boys. One can only guess how this will all go, but I want to try and take Jesse out more and also be involved in Cody's life as much as I can right now. I have been tempted to go an by some cigarettes once and a while to have one at night while the kids are sleeping, but so far, I haven't. Prayer seems to be the stress reliever of my life and thankfully, its free and all I've got. I do miss teaching classes though, and even when D comes back I don't think it will be as much as I did before because of his new schedule...plus who knows where we will be living anyway.
He is doing great, a tough moment here or there for him, but generally it is going well and he is enjoying the experience thoroughly. I can't believe all the things he has learned and experienced in such a short amount of time, and how much we have learned about each other. I have learned alot too, mostly about my relationship with God. Even though I have very supportive family and friends, and a loving husband....I have been brought to my knees several times and made to realize, that there is no one on this earth that can fulfill the human needs I have other than Christ. That at the end of the day, everyone is sinful and God is the only one with whom we can have a truly intimate relationship with, and who can understand the path we are walking. And for that, i am thankful...GRACE GRACE AND MORE GRACE........Praise the LORD....!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Fighting my Demons...
So after much persisting on my sister's part, and funding from her, I reluctantly signed up for the police run. I ran it 2 years ago, and I was 20 weeks pregnant with Jude. I did it in 30 minutes then, because I had been teaching 4-5 times a week regularly, and was in good shape. So that being said, I hadn't done barely a stitch of exercise all summer, and last week I decided to up and run a couple times and barely managed 29 minutes. So today on race day, after I ate a slice of leftover chocolate cake for breakfast, and with a half hearted attitude, I went to the race. My sister who is an avid runner and has been training for weeks, was running the 10km for a challenge for her 30th birthday next week. I, wanted to try and run the whole way and knew my limits, so I ran the 5k. We both finished in a great time and felt quite proud when it was all said and done, that us Mom's could get out there and give it our all.
I am not a runner at all, but have ran off and one for the last 4 years to try and get some cardiovascular endurance and to keep the pounds from packing on after the babies. You could say I was fighting my demons, and that is truly how I always feel about exercise because as a child and as a teen, I loathed exercise. My Dad used to take us on these hikes, when we went camping, and to this day I don't how he put up with me. I was always dead last, whining the whole time and annoying as all get out. In gym class in high school, I was the girl who would be dead last on any run no matter how short, trying to take the shortcuts or not going at all and pretending I did. I actually failed P.E. in grade 11 and I remember when I took my report card home, my Mom asked "Who fails P.E.?" Most people now don't know this about me and now if I sometimes bump into old classmates from high school, they give me a double take when I tell them I am a Fitness Instructor and a P.E. teacher. One guy even started laughing, and said "Leanne, you, are a WHAT?..the same Leanne I went to high school with?". Yes it is true, I never had the opportunity to join any sports activities before high school, so by the time I got there, I was bad at sports, never made any of the teams and so in my anger I rebelled...I guess. And I was lazy, I hated running, hated any form of physical discipline and so I was not known for being physically active in the least.
So today, was another day I fought off the old nature and brought on the new...and I still don't LOVE running. But I do love the feeling of sweat, hard work, a changed attitude, growth, respect, and another day that I can say "I tried my best". Again, I don't know where I would be without my sister, who always lovingly encourages, supports and loves me, especially when I am down in the dumps, and my self-esteem isn't at its best. We have such different strengths and weaknesses and we have been able to support each other at different times and in different ways in our lives. It as a beautiful thing to see how God created us so different, yet so complimentary, obviously by HIS design...and for a reason. So, once I again I will PRAISE THE LORD for his Grace...and take my 26 minute run with a proud smile, knowing it is all by Grace.
I am not a runner at all, but have ran off and one for the last 4 years to try and get some cardiovascular endurance and to keep the pounds from packing on after the babies. You could say I was fighting my demons, and that is truly how I always feel about exercise because as a child and as a teen, I loathed exercise. My Dad used to take us on these hikes, when we went camping, and to this day I don't how he put up with me. I was always dead last, whining the whole time and annoying as all get out. In gym class in high school, I was the girl who would be dead last on any run no matter how short, trying to take the shortcuts or not going at all and pretending I did. I actually failed P.E. in grade 11 and I remember when I took my report card home, my Mom asked "Who fails P.E.?" Most people now don't know this about me and now if I sometimes bump into old classmates from high school, they give me a double take when I tell them I am a Fitness Instructor and a P.E. teacher. One guy even started laughing, and said "Leanne, you, are a WHAT?..the same Leanne I went to high school with?". Yes it is true, I never had the opportunity to join any sports activities before high school, so by the time I got there, I was bad at sports, never made any of the teams and so in my anger I rebelled...I guess. And I was lazy, I hated running, hated any form of physical discipline and so I was not known for being physically active in the least.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Hello darkness...my old friend
Listening to some Simon & Garfunkel on this dark quiet evening. I love the feelings i get listening to their voices...it brings me goosebumps as I remember sitting on the textured arm chair in our old house, listening to the record. Music has always played a big part in my life, songs that I listen to will bring back memories, feelings, and even smells. Music has inspired me to a lot of things in my life, to forget a lot of things and it got me through a lot of things. I think it really soothes my soul and I am thankful for the gift of music that God blesses us with. I felt somewhat burnt out today, I think due to some dehydration, (too much coffee), I have been forgetting to take my iron, and trying to train a bit for this police run on Saturday....I have lacked the ambition to do any exercise since I quit my classes. That being said, I have thoroughly enjoyed the time I have managed to get away for a run and liked the sweat dripping down my face...feels good. I do miss Darryl tonight, his loving, encouraging things he would always say to me to motivate me. The way he would put the boys to bed in the evening, I am afraid I fall short of his enthusiasm by the time 7:15 rolls around. Still, I feel blessed to be experiencing these feelings, it has brought me so much enrichment.
Darryl passed his practical exam yesterday and we were both thankful, since not everyone did. His weeks seem to be getting busier, and so he can only manage to squeeze a few minutes with the boys each night on the phone. But it is really all they need and about the amount of time their attention span has for the phone, so it works out nicely.
I didn't make it to Bible Study this evening, and considering it was the kick off evening, I am hoping to make the next one. I had planned to put the boys down at Nellie's since the study was there, but I had neither the energy nor the will. It was nice to sit and relax, and have a hot cup of tea..and think too much. 23 more days...
Darryl passed his practical exam yesterday and we were both thankful, since not everyone did. His weeks seem to be getting busier, and so he can only manage to squeeze a few minutes with the boys each night on the phone. But it is really all they need and about the amount of time their attention span has for the phone, so it works out nicely.
I didn't make it to Bible Study this evening, and considering it was the kick off evening, I am hoping to make the next one. I had planned to put the boys down at Nellie's since the study was there, but I had neither the energy nor the will. It was nice to sit and relax, and have a hot cup of tea..and think too much. 23 more days...
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Today...
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Day 33..and...God is so Great...
For one, I have somewhat of an easily accepting personality, and secondly, I don't know where I would be without my family and friends, and their prayers. It has been so busy that by the time I get home, I am relieved to have some peace and quiet, yet thankful that the days are busy. So far, the journey wasn't quite what I expected, I feel relaxed, it seems the kids have a adjusted and I am somewhat enjoying the quiet...sometimes. I have had a lot of time to reflect...which I like...on what our lives were before Darryl left...a bit of a revolving door, I admit...me chasing after somewhat selfish things, Darryl doing what he had to do to pump up his resume for all this....and now...the quiet...well, not SO quiet with the boys. So different, such a change of pace, I think for the most part I like change, when it is good.
Reflecting, I feel as though I didn't know my boys as well as I could have, or should have and didn't spend the quality time with them that I am able to now...and I am thanking God for this enlightenment and opportunity..it has been a blessing really, for both of us. Darryl said the day he got to 'depot' that he thought this might end up being a good thing for us, to realize what a blessing we had in each other, and so far, I am appreciating the Dad he was and is, and missing his presence here.The boys haven't been asking about when he is coming back at all. I attribute this to 2 things...prayer and the fact that Darryl really prepared them months in advance with little talks at bedtime and prayer with them about the long time that he will be away. I also made a huge chart for them with 177 days on it, and each night before bed they get to put an x on another day. I find this helps because the days he is coming home for a visit, I circled and so they have looked at that and acknowledged, that is when Dad is coming, but he will be going back. And they see how many squares are left and know, it's not anywhere near being finished. I never expected them to be doing so well, that being said, they are kids, and kids generally accept things easier than us adults.
And Me?
In the beginning, I had the attitude that this 6 months was really all about finding the best ways to kill time till he gets back. But the other night,as I sat and folded laundry and watched 'hoarders', I realized I may look back on this time and really miss it. I really thought about what people say "Life is about the journey and not the destination" and I thought, yes this is so true. All the things I have experienced so far on this journey, I would not have, if D had never gone to depot. All the 'help' I get in the way of babysitting or a meal, makes me realize how much people care and how much love is out there. And me, hating being co-dependent on anyone, I am out of my comfort zone a bit with all of that, and I think that is good for me. I am learning to accept it when people want to show general concern/love and how to make myself a little more vulnerable to that. Yes...the journey is good, maybe not always, not in some moments...especially those ones when all 3 are screaming as I take them out of the bath because it is past their bedtime..and I am dressing the older 2 in their PJ's, while the youngest one poo's on the carpet, tries to eat it and then takes his walker and smooshes the wheel through it...but after when they are cute and all sleeping..and I have coffee...it's good.
I have been blessed by many people and especially by my sister...and this is what is changing and shaping me to be the person God is calling me to be. I have a lot to be thankful for...
Coupled with the amazing sermon we had on Sunday from pastor Dejong about contentment in any situation, I realized...if I am not content now...today at this very moment...husband or no husband, living in the valley or living miles away, I have not learned the secret to being content. And 'learned' is really the emphasized word there...it doesn't always come easy..but we all wake up in the morning and decide to make a choice...positive or negative, I think, the sooner we accept our life situation, the sooner we can deal with it and move on with what life presents us each day...and Praise God for his GRACE. The amount of grace we receive everyday is so great and so unfathomable...how can we not get up everyday ready to take it on, knowing God is doing it for us, thankful to be filled with the Spirit.
The next few weeks may be a lot different, so far, I have been busy taking the boys on little walks, day trips to Aldergrove lake and visiting. The month of August flew by, and now, school is here, which means darker evenings and more routine. I know some days will be easier than others, but I don't know what I would do or where I would be with God, Jesus and the Spirit... I know from the past I would be so lost without Him and His grace and mercy to me....somewhere on the East side with a needle in my arm....I am sure of it.
Well..it's getting late...the last of my caffeine has officially worn off, and I need the energy to get up early for 1 more weekday school morning till I can stay in bed Saturday morning till at least 8:00 while the boys watch some cartoons on my bed. Yep...the things I now look forward to have slightly changed..but it's all good. PRAISE GOD!
Monday, August 9, 2010
Day 2
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