8 weeks...1/3 of 'this' journey done.

Ahhhhh.....I do love Sunday evenings. Kids in bed by 7:15 and the house quiet, except for the sound of the water boiling on the stove for tea. 4 more sleeps till Darryl comes home for a short visit, and we are excited to say the least. I would have really liked to go to Regina with the boys to see what D is all involved in and get a better understanding of things. But this was obviously more cost effective and a chance for him to get 'out' for a bit. Things are still going relatively well, I have had a few more stressy moments with the boys particularly the older 2. It's tough for them not getting all the attention they are used to, and I have been slipping with discipline sometimes and it it shows easily. In church today, I really struggled as I sat in the second row of chairs at the front, smack dab for all eyes to see my 6 year old completely losing it several times. That was tough for me, a range of emotions between embarrassment, anger, frustration and empathy. Cody is exactly like me and does not like being controlled or disciplined for that matter. Church is tough for him, and our church particularly is not geared up at all for kids at the age of 6. It's the be quiet, sit still, learn how to be somewhat of a 'zombie' or else you know what is coming your way when we get home. I disliked this part of church as a child, I guess that is why I was so passionate about Little lambs. I now wish they had a bit of a model like the Christian reformed churches where the kids under the age of 9 can sing in church and then are excused for the sermon part to go learn a bible lesson that is more appropriate to their age level. Well it is tough for him now, as he is whispering to me in church "I wanna be 5, I wanna be 5 again!" Yes, grade 1 Full-time is a huge adjustment alongside no more Sunday school and Dad being gone, I do feel for him, but I couldn't stand that he wouldn't be quiet. I should know better, it is what they call 'payback' I hear. Well, whatever, people will think what they think and I can only only answer to God, so be it I suppose.
Well, tomorrow I am supposed to be going on his field trip with the grade 1 class and taking my other 2 boys. One can only guess how this will all go, but I want to try and take Jesse out more and also be involved in Cody's life as much as I can right now. I have been tempted to go an by some cigarettes once and a while to have one at night while the kids are sleeping, but so far, I haven't. Prayer seems to be the stress reliever of my life and thankfully, its free and all I've got. I do miss teaching classes though, and even when D comes back I don't think it will be as much as I did before because of his new schedule...plus who knows where we will be living anyway.
He is doing great, a tough moment here or there for him, but generally it is going well and he is enjoying the experience thoroughly. I can't believe all the things he has learned and experienced in such a short amount of time, and how much we have learned about each other. I have learned alot too, mostly about my relationship with God. Even though I have very supportive family and friends, and a loving husband....I have been brought to my knees several times and made to realize, that there is no one on this earth that can fulfill the human needs I have other than Christ. That at the end of the day, everyone is sinful and God is the only one with whom we can have a truly intimate relationship with, and who can understand the path we are walking. And for that, i am thankful...GRACE GRACE AND MORE GRACE........Praise the LORD....!