Day 33..and...God is so Great...

So I was reminded today that I actually started a blog and forgot about it. Seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life these days.I am sort of an all or nothing person, and I get all gung hoe about things and sometimes do really well, for quite a while, and then completely change and forget about it. I am trying to stay away from that old side of me, but found it to be popping back into my life since Darryl's been away.Say La Vie...I have discovered much already since Darryl has been gone for the last 33 days and also learned a lot.
For one, I have somewhat of an easily accepting personality, and secondly, I don't know where I would be without my family and friends, and their prayers. It has been so busy that by the time I get home, I am relieved to have some peace and quiet, yet thankful that the days are busy. So far, the journey wasn't quite what I expected, I feel relaxed, it seems the kids have a adjusted and I am somewhat enjoying the quiet...sometimes. I have had a lot of time to reflect...which I like...on what our lives were before Darryl left...a bit of a revolving door, I admit...me chasing after somewhat selfish things, Darryl doing what he had to do to pump up his resume for all this....and now...the quiet...well, not SO quiet with the boys. So different, such a change of pace, I think for the most part I like change, when it is good.
Reflecting, I feel as though I didn't know my boys as well as I could have, or should have and didn't spend the quality time with them that I am able to now...and I am thanking God for this enlightenment and opportunity..it has been a blessing really, for both of us. Darryl said the day he got to 'depot' that he thought this might end up being a good thing for us, to realize what a blessing we had in each other, and so far, I am appreciating the Dad he was and is, and missing his presence here.The boys haven't been asking about when he is coming back at all. I attribute this to 2 things...prayer and the fact that Darryl really prepared them months in advance with little talks at bedtime and prayer with them about the long time that he will be away. I also made a huge chart for them with 177 days on it, and each night before bed they get to put an x on another day. I find this helps because the days he is coming home for a visit, I circled and so they have looked at that and acknowledged, that is when Dad is coming, but he will be going back. And they see how many squares are left and know, it's not anywhere near being finished. I never expected them to be doing so well, that being said, they are kids, and kids generally accept things easier than us adults.
And Me?
 In the beginning, I had the attitude that this 6 months was really all about finding the best ways to kill time till he gets back. But the other night,as I sat and folded laundry and watched 'hoarders', I realized I may look back on this time and really miss it. I really thought about what people say "Life is about the journey and not the destination" and I thought, yes this is so true. All the things I have experienced so far on this journey, I would not have, if D had never gone to depot. All the 'help' I get in the way of babysitting or a meal, makes me realize how much people care and how much love is out there. And me, hating being co-dependent on anyone, I am out of my comfort zone a bit with all of that, and I think that is good for me. I am learning to accept it when people want to show general concern/love and how to make myself a little more vulnerable to that. Yes...the journey is good, maybe not always, not in some moments...especially those ones when all 3 are screaming as I take them out of the bath because it is past their bedtime..and I am dressing the older 2 in their PJ's, while the youngest one poo's on the carpet, tries to eat it and then takes his walker and smooshes the wheel through it...but after when they are cute and all sleeping..and I have coffee...it's good.
I have been blessed by many people and especially by my sister...and this is what is changing and shaping me to be the person God is calling me to be. I have a lot to be thankful for...
Coupled with the amazing sermon we had on Sunday from pastor Dejong about contentment in any situation, I realized...if I am not content now...today at this very moment...husband or no husband, living in the valley or living miles away, I have not learned the secret to being content. And 'learned' is really the emphasized word there...it doesn't always come easy..but we all wake up in the morning and decide to make a choice...positive or negative, I think, the sooner we accept our life situation, the sooner we can deal with it and move on with what life presents us each day...and Praise God for his GRACE. The amount of grace we receive everyday is so great and so unfathomable...how can we not get up everyday ready to take it on, knowing God is doing it for us, thankful to be filled with the Spirit.
The next few weeks may be a lot different, so far, I have been busy taking the boys on little walks, day trips to Aldergrove lake and visiting. The month of August flew by, and now, school is here, which means darker evenings and more routine. I know some days will be easier than others, but I don't know what I would do or where I would be with God, Jesus and the Spirit... I know from the past I would be so lost without Him and His grace and mercy to me....somewhere on the East side with a needle in my arm....I am sure of it.
Well..it's getting late...the last of my caffeine has officially worn off, and I need the energy to get up early for 1 more weekday school morning till I can stay in bed Saturday morning till at least 8:00 while the boys watch some cartoons on my bed. Yep...the things I now look forward to have slightly changed..but it's all good. PRAISE GOD!